We interrupt this normally boring blog to bring you this important public safety bulletin.
I think that we can all agree that the Hot Dog is one of America’s finest foodstuffs. It is just that simple.
The Hot Dog can be served up so many ways, in so many circumstances, it is the perfect food for any occasion.
Dad & I eat a fair number of Hot Dogs. Usually we just buy the cheapest generic dogs possible. But recently our local grocery store had some premium all-beef franks on sale really cheap. Upon returning home with them, I discovered this travesty, this crime against nature!
I’ll allow that in case of emergency Hot Dog consumption, the microwave is allowable. But NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES should a hot dog be boiled! YUCK!
Yes, it looks disgusting. Do you know why it looks disgusting? Because it is! I remember that this was my mother’s favorite method of Hot Dog preparation – it allowed her to serve us the reheated water later as her famous “Weinie Water Soup.” And yes, that is disgusting also.
Boiling a Hot Dog removes all flavor from the dog. It renders the casing a soggy mess. A boiled Hot Dog has no flavor or texture – and therefor no reason to exist.
If we can agree that microwaving a Hot Dog is a simple matter of last choice convenience – actually a step below eating a cold Hot Dog (is that an oxymoron?) straight out of the fridge, then we can move on to other proper methods of cooking a Hot Dog.
The simplest approved method is to pan fry the Hot Dog. If you are fat or calorie conscious, then simply put the dogs in a non-stick fry pan and warm them over medium heat, rotating frequently to avoid burning any one side. If you’ve got a gourmet need going on, then melt a little butter in the pan first, sprinkle in some Italian seasoning, and proceed to brown those puppies up.
There are of course other approved methods. Perhaps the finest is the Hot Dog roasted on a stick over a campfire. Apple or cherry wood make the best sticks, but any old green maple, oak, or hickory will work just dandy as well.
You can use one of the
fancy toasting gizmo gimmicks. Or one of the
mini-roller gizmo gimmicks. You can simply put them on the
for amazing results – remember to turn frequently. Or you can get one of these fancy
grilling gizmo gimmicks, although this is silly overkill and your friends will rightly mock you for it – it still will produce a tasty Hot Dog. You can even go for the
redneck grilling gizmo. This one will certainly result in massive derision and is only recommended after massive consumption of alcohol to kill off whatever nastiness is growing on the high-tech grilling device.
You can of course run out to get a fine Hot Dog. While it may appear to be grotesque, the mini-mart Hot Dog is indeed fine eating. Especially if you can find bargain pricing like the 3 for the price of 3 deal shown below. Remember that the secret to the mini-mart dog is to select the oldest, crustiest one possible!
Of course in this little corner of Michigan, we know that the best place to go get a Hot Dog doesn’t really serve Hot Dogs, they have the world famous Pronto Pup (and no you infidels, they are not corn dogs)!
I could go on forever about other approved methods for cooking America’s Finest Foodstuff, but by now you should have the idea. Anything other than boiling = GOOD; Boiling = BAD.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled boring internet surfing. This has been a public safety announcement.