This Should Be A Sin

We interrupt this normally boring blog to bring you this important public safety bulletin.

I think that we can all agree that the Hot Dog is one of America’s finest foodstuffs.  It is just that simple.

The Hot Dog can be served up so many ways, in so many circumstances, it is the perfect food for any occasion.

Dad & I eat a fair number of Hot Dogs.  Usually we just buy the cheapest generic dogs possible.  But recently our local grocery store had some premium all-beef franks on sale really cheap.  Upon returning home with them, I discovered this travesty, this crime against nature!

icky bad

This should be a universal sin!

I’ll allow that in case of emergency Hot Dog consumption, the microwave is allowable.  But NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES should a hot dog be boiled! YUCK!

evil icky bad

Do Not Do This! EVER!!

Yes, it looks disgusting.  Do you know why it looks disgusting?  Because it is!  I remember that this was my mother’s favorite method of Hot Dog preparation – it allowed her to serve us the reheated water later as her famous “Weinie Water Soup.”  And yes, that is disgusting also.

Boiling a Hot Dog removes all flavor from the dog.  It renders the casing a soggy mess.  A boiled Hot Dog has no flavor or texture – and therefor no reason to exist.

If we can agree that microwaving a Hot Dog is a simple matter of last choice convenience – actually a step below eating a cold Hot Dog (is that an oxymoron?) straight out of the fridge, then we can move on to other proper methods of cooking a Hot Dog.

Italian seasoned goodness

This is the simplest & best approved method

The simplest approved method is to pan fry the Hot Dog.  If you are fat or calorie conscious, then simply put the dogs in a non-stick fry pan and warm them over medium heat, rotating frequently to avoid burning any one side.  If you’ve got a gourmet need going on, then melt a little butter in the pan first, sprinkle in some Italian seasoning, and proceed to brown those puppies up.

YUM!

Hot Dog on a stick over the campfire

There are of course other approved methods.  Perhaps the finest is the Hot Dog roasted on a stick over a campfire.  Apple or cherry wood make the best sticks, but any old green maple, oak, or hickory will work just dandy as well.

You can use one of the

toasting gizmo

A Fancy Toasting Gizmo

fancy toasting gizmo gimmicks.  Or one of the

mini roller gizmo

A Fancy Mini-Roller Gizmo

mini-roller gizmo gimmicks.  You can simply put them on the

flame grilled hot dog

Grilling is GOOD

grill

grilled goodness

Grilling is VERY GOOD

for amazing results – remember to turn frequently.  Or you can get one of these fancy

fancy grill roller

A Fancy Grill Roller

grilling gizmo gimmicks, although this is silly overkill and your friends will rightly mock you for it – it still will produce a tasty Hot Dog.  You can even go for the

Yes, Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a redneck...

A Redneck Grilling Gizmo

redneck grilling gizmo.  This one will certainly result in massive derision and is only recommended after massive consumption of alcohol to kill off whatever nastiness is growing on the high-tech grilling device.

3 for the price of 3!

The Mini-Mart Roller Dog - An American Classic

You can of course run out to get a fine Hot Dog.  While it may appear to be grotesque, the mini-mart Hot Dog is indeed fine eating.  Especially if you can find bargain pricing like the 3 for the price of 3 deal shown below.  Remember that the secret to the mini-mart dog is to select the oldest, crustiest one possible!

hot dog heaven

The Pronto Pup Stand

Of course in this little corner of Michigan, we know that the best place to go get a Hot Dog doesn’t really serve Hot Dogs, they have the world famous Pronto Pup (and no you infidels, they are not corn dogs)!

OMG - nothing finer

The World Famous Pronto Pups

I could go on forever about other approved methods for cooking America’s Finest Foodstuff, but by now you should have the idea.  Anything other than boiling = GOOD; Boiling = BAD.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled boring internet surfing.  This has been a public safety announcement.

icky bad

DO NOT EVER DO THIS!

Prop It Up

Advertisements

4 comments on “This Should Be A Sin

  1. Zack M says:

    There has been a time to condense steps that I cut up and boiled hot dogs along with my macaroni and cheese.

    • jehingr says:

      Sorry brother, that is still wrong. Next time, brown up those dog pieces in the frying pan and dump them in the finished mac & cheese. Much tastier & less sinful.

  2. I just came across your blog and couldn’t stop laughing. As a fellow hot dog lover, my blood boils when I hear of someone boiling a hot dog. God forbid anyone ever does it in my presence, my righteous anger may be more than I can handle.

    On a lighter note… Any idea where I could get one of those hot dog toasters? It looks absolutely ridiculous and a waste of money; so right up my alley.

    • jehingr says:

      Amen.

      I have no idea the best place to buy any of these gizmos, I’m too cheap to spend money on any of them. Google is your friend.

      I’m saving my money for the 3 for 3 deal at the mini-mart.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s