In the first of my new “We Deserve This” series I’ll be examining one of those commercials that is too stupid and evil to exist – but which does exist because it generates revenue from our stupidity. This earns the “We Deserve This” tag for the “We Buy Gold” TV ads.
Anybody who has been forced to suffer through day time TV, especially on a basic cable channel, has suffered through these ads. There are a number of different companies running them, so I’m not picking on anybody in particular, but the ads are all the same. You contact them. They send you a “special” mailing device (normally referred to as a padded envelope). You send them all of your old scrap gold and jewelry. The appraise it, melt it down, and send you a check. Simply marvelous!
And the best part – the part that earned entry into this post – “YOUR SATISFACTION IS GUARANTEED!”
Let’s think about this one for a moment. You have sent them your somewhat valuable gold. They melted it down into primordial slag. They sent you a check for whatever they think it is worth. And “YOUR SATISFACTION IS GUARANTEED!”
Let us suppose that you think that your old gold is worth $100. The fine upstanding appraiser at this fine upstanding company has determined that your treasured artifiacts are worth $4. And they send you a check for that amount. Obviously you are not satisfied. So what are you going to do?
Ask for your treasures back? Tough luck, they are all slag now. Argue with the company about how much it is worth? Wait, wait, I’m still laughing…
Whew, sorry about that.
I know, you can take them to small claims court and dispute the $96 that they owe you.
Somebody is satisfied, but the odds are that it isn’t you. But then again, you deserve this – you believed the commercial on TV. And as long as some of “us” believe, “we” deserve to keep watching this commercial.
Update: The Consumerist has this from a former Cash 4 Gold employee. I’m still laughing.